It's Like AA

I've quickly realized that having two little ones (17 months old and 17 days old), I must take things one day at a time. One long, long day at a time. I must admit, however, that things aren't as bad as I had previously thought they would be. I found that I can easily lug both kids up and down the stairs at the same time without dropping either them or my mocha's. Ava even seems born to be a big sister, running to Baxter's side when he cries, giving him his binkie or her blankies (she doesn't even let mommy cuddle with her blankies!)

There are several things I have had to rethink how I do them. Baxter's like his big sister in that when she was itty bitty, all she wanted was to be held and cuddled. Ava wouldn't fall asleep during the day unless we both laid on the couch and cuddled together. This posed a little problem because when I lay down with Baxter, Ava needs to be cuddled with too, and my couch is on the small side, but Ava has managed to find a little nook for herself in the crook of my knees. Another major snag is feeding time. Baxter hasn't gained weight, he's gained length, but not pounds and ounces. After his Doctor appointment, we were sent to see a lactation consultant. If after going through the whole pregnancy, labor and delivery thing, you still clung onto some modesty, you can pretty much kiss it goodbye when you see a lactation consultant. She said everything looked good, gave me some pointers and said she knew what the problem was: I was too busy. My hands are too full with chasing Ava around to take the time necessary for Baxter to get his two ounces each feeding in order for him to gain weight. I might have to trap Ava in her room behind the baby gate.

I think one of the last big changes I've had to make was in my cleaning and cooking schedule. I used to clean up the house while Ava slept, but now it seems like the best time to pick up is after dinner and make Aaron's lunch before I go to bed, instead of in the morning. There isn't really much for me to complain about, I think that if I didn't have the major headache I get postpartum which lasts for about 6 weeks straight, I could handle this new life with a touch more grace then I currently am. But, really, I love it. I love being a mom and my kids are so amazing!

The Guilt Still Lingers

At first, all I could think of was how fun babies are, how easy it was for me to give birth. I wanted another baby. It didn't take long before we were pregnant and at first, I was in a kind of float-y, sparkl-y daze. I was feeling like I had finally achieved adulthood (and it only took me 30 years).
But then, I looked at my daughter. Really looked at her and waited in the moment we were sharing, enjoying every slow second of it, lingering in her laughter and as quickly as the moment between mother and daughter came; the heavy guilt sunk in. From that moment on I became more aware of the reality that I would no longer be all Ava's. I tried to justify my selfishness in wanting another child by telling myself I was doing it for her, I was giving Ava a sibling, a playmate, a best friend. It seemed that the more I repeated this to myself, the bigger my guilt grew. I had now taken the one on one intimacy I shared with my baby girl and replaced it with only fifty percent of what it was. I asked almost every mom I knew with more then one kid how they felt when they had another child. All just smiled and said: 'You're doing them a favor. You're giving them a friend to play with and you a chance to breath while they play together and not need all your time.'

This did not help. I felt even more guilt and emotion because I just could not see it that way. I had given up. It wasn't until I was getting my haircut, my stylist had two kids and recently found out she was pregnant with twins. She knew I had Ava and we started talking about due dates and names when all of a sudden she looked at me and asked if I felt guilty for taking part of me away from Ava and sharing it with another baby. She understood, she felt the same way when she had her second child, and even more so now that she was having twins.

I LOVE my children, both of them. I am slowly adjusting to splitting myself between two kids instead of giving myself to one. It is more difficult then I could have ever imagined. I sometimes look at Ava and see her as someone I have to protect Baxter from, and it seems all we've said to her since we came home from the hospital was "Ava, NO!" It's those moments where she is transformed from being my baby girl to a danger. I hate that, it breaks my heart to see her as someone other then my itty bitty. Aaron and I both make more of an effort to hug and love on Mava. I try to continue to have our morning cuddle time, but it just doesn't seem like it's enough. I'm hoping it will get easier.

The Dress

I know Easter was a while ago, but it took me this long to get the photos off my camera in preparation for the impending birth of our son (Monday!!!). I originally got the inspiration to make Ava's Easter dress from my sister, she usually makes her daughters Easter dresses, so I thought, "hey, I can do that too!" So, I did.

I found the sweetest butterfly linen fabric and a simple dress pattern in which I altered, adding dainty eyelet for the yoke and white linen for subtle sleeve ruffles. I also added long pink and purple ribbon in the back for a mock belt, which I knew would be Mava's favorite part of the dress! The whole dress was a very simple project, however, I found the lining to be quite bothersome. I have a fairly large collection of buttons, but I still couldn't find just the right ones until our friends sent Ava a birthday invitation with several buttons glued on; two of which were the perfect pearlescent pink.

A Different Kind of Nest

Perhaps its just laziness on my part, but when I was in my last trimester, awaiting Ava's arrival, I was also awaiting the arrival of that "nesting" urge to kick in. My mom had even asked Aaron if he noticed it kicking in. He thought for a moment, then simply said, "Well, she's getting a massage and pedicure and has a hair appointment, so I guess she is nesting."

Don't get me wrong, I did try and keep the house clean and the freezer stocked knowing that I HAD to get those things done. I HAD to make sure things were in order, but I didn't WANT to. I didn't have the strange, strong urge to scrub the house, cook casseroles to freeze, and stock the pantry. I did what I could force myself to do and left the rest for my husband to deal with. And as I struggled to sweep and mop the kitchen floor yesterday, I received a very pleasant phone call. The receptionist from the spa where I get my prenatal massages called to remind me of my massage and pedicure appointment for Saturday.

This pregnancy has been a little harder then the first one, I blame Ava. I think she's going through her "terrible two's" already. I know that it's just her struggle and frustration at wanting, at needing to do things independently, trying to ignore her obvious limitations (she's only 15 months!). However, she dose have the longest reach of any kid I've ever seen. She can easily out reach a two year old by a foot when something on the kitchen table has caught her eye. Ava also really likes to help. She helps by destroying the house as mommy tries to clean it. She probably thinks she is doing me a favor by making sure I always have something to do. Although, yesterday, I had left two of her diapers in the front room after her nap diaper change. She quietly picked them up and started off towards her room. "Ava! No! Icky!" I called after her, this just made her run, not walk to her room. After a minute she came back out, and I went in, searching for her diapers. I found them. Right where they belonged. In her dirty diaper pail. She was helping mommy. She did good. We danced. We jumped. We clapped. "Good girl baby!!!"

Then I cried.

Ava's Monster..er, I Mean, Josiah's Monster

I guess this is what you would call a "crafted project". It's designed to take an hour or so, however, with a one year old and an Easter dress in the mix, it took quite a bit longer.

I should have known making this monster in front of Ava would cause problems...

So, I had to make two...

I thought I had solved the problem...

Then I told her one belonged to Josiah...

She was not amused.

The Housewife's Uniform

It has been a little over two years since I have embraced the Housewife's uniform. The apron, that is. It has been a staple in our home since we were married, actually, I have always had an apron hanging around even before I was married. The first one I was given, was a white half apron with grey kitten print, hollies and Christmas bells. It belonged to my late great grandma, Margie. There had always been something charming and nostalgic about them. To me, aprons meant warmth, freshly baked chocolate chip cookies, lavender Pine Sol and the comfort only mom could surround you with. They, as cheesy at it might sound, symbolize love.

On those ominous house cleaning days, with my trusty yoga pants, a less Ava dirtied shirt, my favorite lemon print half apron, I begin to tie my sneakers as Ava toddles up to me. She knows what this uniform means. She knows mommy is getting down to business. So, Ava gets down to business. She then precedes to disperse all her toys, clothes and yes, even dirty diapers out of her diaper pail throughout the house. And, not to mention, her crackers she steps on and crushes into the carpet, just for fun.

Since my fascination with aprons, and the fact that after a year of contemplating buying a sewing machine, I finally broke down and had my husband buy me one, a Singer. It is the prettiest sewing machine I have ever seen. I hadn't sewn for over a decade since I took several sewing classes in college. What finally pushed me to the realization that yes, in fact I needed a machine was Ava's hand stitched Pilgrim dress for her Thanksgiving photos. I LOVED sewing her little dress and I know as a housewife and mommy, there will be countless school plays and recitals in which I will need to sew costumes for.

My first project was an apron for my niece Moriah's 13th birthday, I unfortunately didn't get enough pictures of. The front of the apron consisted of purple gingham, an iPod mini pocket and a larger pocket with her name hand stitched on it in pale purple thread. Purple is both of our favorite color so I had a ton of fun making this apron.

My second apron was for my friend Caroline. I had bought an apron book and flipping through it she fell in love with this cocktail number. The fabric in the book was a gold brocade pattern with flowers. She loves cheetah print and I had luckily found the same exact fabric as the sample, but in the print she wanted. This apron is able to be worn on both sides, with black sheer fabric covering one of the sides and the same little pocket with a tailored bow on each side of the apron. I had fun making the little bows and I am very, very happy how this apron came out. I almost didn't want to give it to her, but keep it for myself.

The most recent apron I made was for our friend, Jessie. Jessie and Jason Hall have been friends of ours for quite some time, they've been married for about a year now and there son, Josiah is about to turn one. When we were over for dinner, I brought Jessie this apron and Aaron brought Jason a six pack of refreshing beverages. I thought the black buttons would fit her style, and the black ribbon edging complement it nicely.

The next apron I want to make is for another friend of ours. She recently had a baby boy and is now a housewife, learning things for the first time that a lot of us were raised doing. I know how hard and frustrating it is at times to be at home, all day taking care of a baby and the home. So, I wanted to do something that might, I don't know, help solidify her calling and hopefully make her smile. I think her favorite color is green and I absolutely love that green snake print fabric, so I think I'm going to do something with that and maybe ribbon, I love ribbon. I'm not sure yet. I just need to wait until I finish Ava's Easter dress and Josiah's pirate monster for his birthday. I sure hope his monster turns out. It looks good in my head but getting it from my head to reality, might not work.