A Different Kind of Nest

Perhaps its just laziness on my part, but when I was in my last trimester, awaiting Ava's arrival, I was also awaiting the arrival of that "nesting" urge to kick in. My mom had even asked Aaron if he noticed it kicking in. He thought for a moment, then simply said, "Well, she's getting a massage and pedicure and has a hair appointment, so I guess she is nesting."

Don't get me wrong, I did try and keep the house clean and the freezer stocked knowing that I HAD to get those things done. I HAD to make sure things were in order, but I didn't WANT to. I didn't have the strange, strong urge to scrub the house, cook casseroles to freeze, and stock the pantry. I did what I could force myself to do and left the rest for my husband to deal with. And as I struggled to sweep and mop the kitchen floor yesterday, I received a very pleasant phone call. The receptionist from the spa where I get my prenatal massages called to remind me of my massage and pedicure appointment for Saturday.

This pregnancy has been a little harder then the first one, I blame Ava. I think she's going through her "terrible two's" already. I know that it's just her struggle and frustration at wanting, at needing to do things independently, trying to ignore her obvious limitations (she's only 15 months!). However, she dose have the longest reach of any kid I've ever seen. She can easily out reach a two year old by a foot when something on the kitchen table has caught her eye. Ava also really likes to help. She helps by destroying the house as mommy tries to clean it. She probably thinks she is doing me a favor by making sure I always have something to do. Although, yesterday, I had left two of her diapers in the front room after her nap diaper change. She quietly picked them up and started off towards her room. "Ava! No! Icky!" I called after her, this just made her run, not walk to her room. After a minute she came back out, and I went in, searching for her diapers. I found them. Right where they belonged. In her dirty diaper pail. She was helping mommy. She did good. We danced. We jumped. We clapped. "Good girl baby!!!"

Then I cried.

Ava's Monster..er, I Mean, Josiah's Monster

I guess this is what you would call a "crafted project". It's designed to take an hour or so, however, with a one year old and an Easter dress in the mix, it took quite a bit longer.

I should have known making this monster in front of Ava would cause problems...

So, I had to make two...

I thought I had solved the problem...

Then I told her one belonged to Josiah...

She was not amused.

The Housewife's Uniform

It has been a little over two years since I have embraced the Housewife's uniform. The apron, that is. It has been a staple in our home since we were married, actually, I have always had an apron hanging around even before I was married. The first one I was given, was a white half apron with grey kitten print, hollies and Christmas bells. It belonged to my late great grandma, Margie. There had always been something charming and nostalgic about them. To me, aprons meant warmth, freshly baked chocolate chip cookies, lavender Pine Sol and the comfort only mom could surround you with. They, as cheesy at it might sound, symbolize love.

On those ominous house cleaning days, with my trusty yoga pants, a less Ava dirtied shirt, my favorite lemon print half apron, I begin to tie my sneakers as Ava toddles up to me. She knows what this uniform means. She knows mommy is getting down to business. So, Ava gets down to business. She then precedes to disperse all her toys, clothes and yes, even dirty diapers out of her diaper pail throughout the house. And, not to mention, her crackers she steps on and crushes into the carpet, just for fun.

Since my fascination with aprons, and the fact that after a year of contemplating buying a sewing machine, I finally broke down and had my husband buy me one, a Singer. It is the prettiest sewing machine I have ever seen. I hadn't sewn for over a decade since I took several sewing classes in college. What finally pushed me to the realization that yes, in fact I needed a machine was Ava's hand stitched Pilgrim dress for her Thanksgiving photos. I LOVED sewing her little dress and I know as a housewife and mommy, there will be countless school plays and recitals in which I will need to sew costumes for.

My first project was an apron for my niece Moriah's 13th birthday, I unfortunately didn't get enough pictures of. The front of the apron consisted of purple gingham, an iPod mini pocket and a larger pocket with her name hand stitched on it in pale purple thread. Purple is both of our favorite color so I had a ton of fun making this apron.

My second apron was for my friend Caroline. I had bought an apron book and flipping through it she fell in love with this cocktail number. The fabric in the book was a gold brocade pattern with flowers. She loves cheetah print and I had luckily found the same exact fabric as the sample, but in the print she wanted. This apron is able to be worn on both sides, with black sheer fabric covering one of the sides and the same little pocket with a tailored bow on each side of the apron. I had fun making the little bows and I am very, very happy how this apron came out. I almost didn't want to give it to her, but keep it for myself.

The most recent apron I made was for our friend, Jessie. Jessie and Jason Hall have been friends of ours for quite some time, they've been married for about a year now and there son, Josiah is about to turn one. When we were over for dinner, I brought Jessie this apron and Aaron brought Jason a six pack of refreshing beverages. I thought the black buttons would fit her style, and the black ribbon edging complement it nicely.

The next apron I want to make is for another friend of ours. She recently had a baby boy and is now a housewife, learning things for the first time that a lot of us were raised doing. I know how hard and frustrating it is at times to be at home, all day taking care of a baby and the home. So, I wanted to do something that might, I don't know, help solidify her calling and hopefully make her smile. I think her favorite color is green and I absolutely love that green snake print fabric, so I think I'm going to do something with that and maybe ribbon, I love ribbon. I'm not sure yet. I just need to wait until I finish Ava's Easter dress and Josiah's pirate monster for his birthday. I sure hope his monster turns out. It looks good in my head but getting it from my head to reality, might not work.

Warning:

Keep hands and feet away from playpen at all times...

I Feel Shame, or Pride

It can be viewed as either a "down side" or "up side" of studying English in College, having to continually "keep" journals. I saw it as both. At the beginning of the semester, I would wallow at the thought of having to do yet another journal, with each professor believing its their own original idea. Part way through the assignment, I would find myself enjoying it, then a month or so would pass and I was right back to wallowing. After all, journaling is just another way to linger in the self loathing that is my mind. Why on earth would I want to actually put words to the numerous mangled thoughts flowing in and out of my head, and who on earth would want to read that crap? I wouldn't. But for some unexplained reason, I have kept my journals. All of them laced with various quotes that I have been unsuccessful at forgetting. One in particular has cemented itself in the far recesses of my thoughts. It was from an Ethics in Education class I took back at Butte some twelve years ago.

John F. Covaleskie wrote: I feel shame or pride for what I know about myself, not what others know about me.

We can spend our whole life putting on a false self, one that looks good, holy, pretty, humble and wise. One that is heroic and brave, yet compassionate and thoughtful. So when people who think they know us, look at who they see and go: My god, how amazing are they! Look at how they work so hard, how much time and money they volunteer! Even their children are so respectful and well managed! But, as nice as those hollow accolades are at first, they fade the moment you remember who you really are. How you secretly cheated a co-worker, or your taxes. How hard you try to hide your hidden sins so that you seem to justify both there existence and there absence. Those small moments that creep in when our guard is down, that's when we truly feel shame for who we are, even when the world sees differently.

Conversely, when you go about your day, trying to do what's best for your family, its those little victories, those quiet little accomplishments that you achieve when no one is around to cheer for you, that's when we are filled with a humbled pride that cannot be tarnished. The kind of pride from doing what is expected of us and striving towards the ultimate goal of glorifying God. But, perhaps pride, might be the wrong word. It's more of a reassurance from God that we are receiving, that quiet "good job, faithful servant. You're on the right path."

We can hide from others, we can more successfully hide from ourselves but it is foolish to think we can hide from God. Our secret, hidden sins are spread out before Him, He saw them even before He created us and time itself. I think if we are truly honest with ourselves we can better grasp who we are and ultimately, who we ought to be.

Our Son, Baxter

Today's experience at North State Imaging was far better then our trip last year. It was our ultrasound appointment. When we went to see Ava at twenty weeks, I stupidly followed the directions on the handout perfectly. What I didn't realize was A) my bladder seemed to be forty times smaller then the average bladder and B) the office was going to be over 45 minutes behind schedule. I truly thought I was going to pee all over their carpet and I wouldn't have felt bad at all since the office staff were so incredibly rude. However, once inside the room, our technician was so amazing it almost made up for the crap we went through just to see our daughter. With this in mind, I was very hesitant as I was preparing for today's appointment. Aaron and I decided that I would drink only half of the full quart I was meant to drink and not worry about finishing the water an hour before the exam. I continued sipping as we drove to the office building. We crowded into the small room, Aaron, Ava, me and my Mom. I got the best spot, stretched out on a bed. I was more relaxed and the technician was able to take her time and look at our baby very closely. At first, in her soft South African accent, she said the baby could very well be another girl, it wasn't until the end when the baby shifted perfectly and the technician said: oh, wow, can you guess what that is?

Lets just say, it's bigger then I thought it would be.

Our Little Pilgrim

I wanted to have holiday photos taken, Valentines, Easter, Thanksgiving and Christmas and to carry this tradition on to all of our kids, making them special family memories. It started with Ava's first holiday photo: Valentines Day. She was a Month old, laying on her pink and white satin blankie with miniature angel wings. This was her Valentines gift for daddy. For Easter, she laid in a basket, wearing a sweet dress her Auntie made her and playing with a soft, chocolate brown (real) bunny. Emphasis on real, we have a photo of the very moment both Ava and the bunny realize each other is real and upon finding this out, Ava raises her little arms up, eyes amazingly 10 times there normal size and the bunny jumping out of the basket for his dear little life. I think that was my favorite photo in the series. This year, for Thanksgiving I wanted to dress her up as a little Pilgrim. Well, actually at first I wanted to dress her as a little turkey since she's my little turkey butt, however, finding a little gobbler costume was next to impossible. I decided then to make her a simple Pilgrim dress using, yes, a witches costume on clearance 75% off after Halloween (I paid only $1.75). Using a white sheet we had stored away, it took me only a few days of cutting, ironing and HAND SEWING. Hand sewing? why is that a big deal? My hand is next to useless, so with each stitch I reminded myself how cute and sweet Ava will look when it was finished. And boy, that was an understatement! She looked beyond cute! We go to DeeDee Ortiz to get her photos taken, DeeDee does such a wonderful job and is incredibly talented!