I, as many have had past experiences with the Internet which left a bitter taste in my mouth. So, it's odd that I would marry a software engineer. Leaving the past behind isn't necessarily as easy as you would think. My husband spends his days at work sitting in front of two big monitors and as soon as he gets home from work (after I push him off me), he goes into his office and sits in front of two big monitors and his macbook. I have to call him at least two times before he joins me for dinner. I love my husband dearly, but honestly, I was glad his macbook died, I thought that it was one less thing that he sits in front of, and not next to me.
I had finally told him last night that I needed him to be with me, to spend time with me and not with his computer, or talking excessively about it. After he disappeared into his office twice and giving him 'the look' he sat next to me on the couch as we prepared to watch our favorite show. This is when he pulled out his iPhone. He was going to twit with it-or whatever.
I can't tell him about the dark anxiety I have when he spends all day online. I guess what frustrates me is that he is forcing me to trust when I don't know how. I don't know what he's doing online, he doesn't tell me anything. It's odd, I can't even text my sister without him getting...persistent. However, he dose things and doesn't think to tell me whats going on. When I try to tell him why I have bad feelings about the Internet, he tells me "I'm not like that, I could never do that to you." But, the thing is, I've heard that before and I know how that situation turned out.
In reflecting on my thoughts, I am coming to a bigger understanding of who I am and the vast faults that consume me.
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