There's a Letter I Need to Write

It seems as though when one thing in your life falls apart, it starts a landslide and everything around you crumbles. Friday night God answered a prayer that had overwhelmed us as a family for quite some time. We had wavered in the follow-through with what seemed His direction. Tossing different possibilities back and fourth. Talking out all the things that would prevent us or aid us in a decision we were not ready to face. God had presented us with such a clear answer, we just couldn't ignore it anymore. We left our church, we left my family, and soon we realized that we had to fully rely on God's grace, God's providence and God's sovereignty like we had never really had to in the past. Perhaps the final catalyst was so hard and painful because we failed to take the path God had for us. I just wasn't ready to say goodbye to my sister and my beautiful nieces. I spent all night Friday feeling emotionally raw, like I had been gutted out with a dull knife, but when Saturday morning came, God provided us with beautiful encouragement. We thought that we had to leave behind everyone we had loved, but I found that we still had friends. My heart jumped and I knew that we were finally doing what God had directed us to do. There was utter peace in that.

However, my mind was still a little clouded as I set about enjoying my Mother's Day weekend. My loving, strong husband said I could do whatever I wanted to do. So, I got my hair done. We went to my old workplace and I was able to catch up on friends that I hadn't seen for awhile. That's when I got the news. Shortly after I had left work to be a housewife, my closest friend and boss moved out of state with her husband and two sons. A few weeks ago, her 15-year-old son was hit by a car and died. Dealing with such loss that I couldn't imagine, a crumbling marriage and emergency quadruple-bypass heart surgery; she was alone. States away from her family and friends. When I just wanted to reach out and hold her, to comfort her and love her; I prayed and I haven't stopped praying for her. Trying to mull through all of the thoughts, ideas and fears, I went on with my weekend. We had planned to go over and spend Sunday with my mom, so I made potato salad and a Waldorf cake. I must say that it was hard to focus on baking a cake with my mind so befuddled, but it turned out beautifully. We had decided to visit dear friends of ours that we had known from our previous church. It was so amazing to be embraced by our fellow brothers and sisters! It felt calm and I enjoyed every moment, even the awkward "I think I know you" ones. My mom as it turned out caught the stomach bug so after the service we dropped her gift off and picked up some chicken. I set the table and with my husband and daughter, we had lunch.

With all the grace God has seen fit to show us, I have been able to take every thing in stride. I'm learning to not focus on what I want, but on what my family needs and what the people God has surrounded me with need. So there's a letter I need to write, I pray that God will guide my thoughts and words as I try to express my sorrow in what my mentor and friend has lost and is losing. I pray that He gives me the words to encourage her, just as He had given to those whom He sent to encourage us.