Yes...

...that IS a little pink bow in her hair.

Beyond Forgiveness

Play Time

On Thursday our friends came over for a visit. The girls played for a while, they both have the same play gym so when we put them next to each other, they were like, "Wait a minute! What are you doing in my gym?!" But, they quickly got over that and decided it was funner to play with a friend.

Green Babies

On Saturday, we met our friends, Caroline (mommy) and Ashley (baby) at the Green Baby Expo hosted by Chico State. It was a really neat Expo. We made out with a ton of freebies, I even got my hands on an organic stain remover pen which was given to me by the guy who ran the booth, it was the only pen there and was not for sale. At the door, we were given two free DVDs, one is more than kind of weird, something about childbirth without violence, I doubt I'm going to watch it. The other is a neat mommy and me workout. We also received a green reusable grocery bag.

This bag came in very handy. We hooked them onto our stroller handles with our "mommy hooks" and between that and the diaper bag which also hung over the handle, when I removed the counterweight a.k.a Ava, the stroller fell over. I was not as embarrassed as I would have been two years ago, I mainly felt bad for the man who had his child in his arms as he rushed over to my aide suspecting a baby was still in the now toppled over stroller.

I was surprised and delighted to run into so many of our old friends, I'm amazed at how fast time goes by, so much can change that you don't realize it until you talk to those whom haven't been there for those changes. The girls had fun, at least I'm sure they did... they like looking at each other:

My Super Hero

I have often called my husband, my super hero. You might wonder why. Well, one of the reasons is this: he works all day in front of a several computer monitors, and then comes home and diligently, joyfully works on my seemingly basic and easy projects. On the outside, things may look easy, at least, in my head it's easy, however, when you see all the little steps, the time spent consumed and solutions to un-thought out problems, it's way more complicated than you think. At, least I would think. Even though I was Editor-in-Chief of my H.S yearbook (which was done primarily on computer), I don't know much (ok, that may be an exaggeration, I don't know anything) about computers. So it leaves my hubby to do it all for me, and he does it with such enthusiasm!

I am slowly learning how to do some "basic" things, like adding CSS styles so that I can indent the first sentence of my paragraphs. I even figured out how to make it a block quote, which was cool, but not what I needed. So, long story short, this is the latest endeavor my super hero created for me:

Old blog:

New blog:

(He even does the dishes!)

A Sense of Giddy

When there is nothing left--
nothing desired and
nothing gained.

There is ability to see.
The raw and flesh reviled,
the buried and hidden now unfolds.

As if invisible arms stretch to embrace--
vulnerable and delighted to be free.

Our Fathers Day

This was our second Fathers Day. It started for Aaron at 12:01 am Sunday morning as do many of our celebrations. I suffer from C.M.S (Christmas Morning Syndrome) so I seldom sleep the night before fun. Fathers Day was no exception. I laid in bed, wide awake as Aaron sat quietly reading next to me. I couldn't put it off any longer so when our clock read 12:00, I pulled his gifts out and eagerly waited while he opened them. There were two cards, one from me, the other from Ava (Ava's card was much more cute than mine, she even drew a picture of her and daddy inside of it). He got two books, one from me (a Weber's charcoal grilling book) and one from Ava (once again, hers was much cuter, it's called: Daddy's Girl, need I say more?). And finally, a daddy coffee cup that coordinates with the mommy mug I got for Valentines Day.

At church we have been going through the characteristics of a church leader and how they are qualified by scripture. The timing of this study has been wholly providential. It is so beautiful to see how stark the realities of scripture are as compared to the realities of "modern life". It's scary to realize that there are men teaching, leading and pastoring churches when the life they lead and their character are contradictory to the qualifications of scripture. During the month of May, the church had been seeking Congregational nominations for Elders. Aaron and I had discussed at length whom we wanted to submit for Eldership. However, being very new to our church, we didn't think we ought to. God never ceases to amaze. I have been seeing his hand in everything that has unfolded over the past several months. So, on Sunday when our Pastor announced there were two men who were put forward for this most amazing and important office set forth in scripture and established in every New Testament church; it did not surprise me those two men where the men whom we had wanted to recommend for the office. Over the last week, they had been asked, prayed, sought God's will and on Fathers Day, the leaders in our church laid hands on them and prayed over them. I believe that Shane and Miguel are such a blessing and am continually thankful to have them as our Elders.

After service, it was a koinonia (potluck) day, we have them the first and third Sunday of every month. I had made a raspberry and vanilla cake for Fathers Day. I meant to take photos of the very pink cake, however, I hadn't gotten to it while and after I made the cake. I thought that it would be alright to take the pictures of the inside after lunch; since the stripes of alternating vanilla cake, red raspberry filling and creamy light raspberry frosting were so beautiful. At our old church, when I'd make a cake, there was always so much cake left. But my goodness! Even with slicing the cake into one inch wide, two to three inch long slices; Not even a crumb was left! Our Pastor was the fortunate one to get the last piece. He had waited until everyone had eaten. My waist and thighs are very happy to not have any cake left over!

On our way home, I called my daddy to tell him how much I love him. He was all by himself on Fathers Day, so we visited him and he got to play with Ava. He said it was the best Fathers Day present ever, I even noticed he put his Fathers Day card we sent him on the mantel. Ava had a long day at this point so our visit was cut a little short and we took her home to put her down for a nap, or at least tried too. Sunday was a very long day for all of us! For dinner we grilled rib eye, corn and rosemary potatoes. I love our family time, sitting on our balcony, talking and watching Ava explore the outside world, and her bouncy. After we ate and put Ava to bed for the night, I told Aaron to put on any movie he wanted and I pulled out the last of his surprises: Vanilla and Fudge Drumsticks! If you were wondering, the movie he selected was Jaws. Jaws is my all time favorite movie, actually, it is in fact the best movie ever made. I was confused at his movie pick, since it was his day, why had he chosen my movie? He just simply said: What movie do you most associate with fatherhood? Of course, this was a rhetorical question.

You might be a little confused at this point. How on earth could anyone see Jaws and immediately think daddy? Well, it's the same story behind the tattoo I have on my back of the last scene in the movie. You see, it was the movie Jaws that my dad and I bonded over. It was almost fourteen years ago, we were living in a mobile home and it was Saturday. Jaws was on T.V and my dad was in his rocking chair. With nothing to do, I sat down. From that moment on, whenever it's on T.V, no matter where we are, we are both watching. When I was living at home, countless times I'd be jerked awake at four am, by some unseen urge only to go out to the front room and find my dad sitting and watching, I think even waiting. We haven't had a lot of Fathers Days together, I think that's why everyday I am reminded of the love I have for my dad, everyday I wonder what he's doing, how his day was and what his plans are. The strong tie I have with my dad is such a big part of who I am as an adult and as a parent. I continually pray that my daughter will have the same deep, strong and enduring relationship with her daddy as I have with mine...I have a feeling she will.

I Stumbled Upon This...

I don't know yet if I agree with the results...

Your Personality is Very Rare

Your personality type is dramatic, expressive, proud, and demanding. Only about 4% of all people have your personality, including 5% of all women and 2% of all men. You are Extroverted, Intuitive, Feeling, and Judging.

How Rare Is Your Personality?

Never in a Million Years...

...Did I expect my Saturday night to consist of feeding my daughter a "new food" (carrots) and a bath in an inflatable pink duckie, squeaky bill and all.





(Video coming soon!)

Cake Decorating 101

Today was the last day of our cake decorating class. For the final class, we constructed a tier cake. My husband had bought me the most spectacular cake decorating book, so I had the book knowledge of how to construct one. It was so amazing to see the cake in the individual parts then as a whole! But I think the best part of today was watching my mom create her beautiful Victorian style cake. She spent time before hand making a lot of different color roses and even my favorite, a pansy. She also made tons and tons of icing! Ava and I went over to her house a few hours before class so I could finish frosting my individual cakes. I didn't have a 6in pan, so I crudely constructed one out of a disposable heavy-duty foil container, needless to say, my cake was over run with crumbs since I had to cut the sides of the cake down. When we started the class, I had made the decision to just focus on the decorating. I had perfected the ultimate chocolate cake and filling recipe, so I decided to go against my ideals and use those box cake mixes for each class. I can't believe how painful that was to admit! I thought that it would cut down baking time, save my arm and make it so I could spend more time decorating. Thus, extra crumbs.





Oh, yeah, here's my cake. My mom made me the butterfly. Isn't she incredibly talented?

A Cake for Ava

We celebrated our first family Memorial Day by barbecuing, and I baked a cake. I absolutely love to bake and I had gotten my hands on the perfect marshmallow fondant recipe, so I spent the day playing. I tinted the fondant pink and decorated it with white royal icing. I practiced my dots, my fleur-de-lis, piping and writing. It's not that great of a decorating job. I only have 30% use of my right arm, so you can totally tell where my arm stopped working. I had fun though and the pain which lasted for two days was worth it.

Pictures From Graduation

The field opened at 7:30am the day of Graduation, so, we were there at 7:15am. I was surprised to run into classmates who were graduating. Technically, I graduated in 2008, but ended up walking in the 2009 ceremony. I was glad to see that I was not alone in this.


A girl I had taken Math with at the same time I was planning our wedding (married in winter 2008), was excited to meet my family, she offered to take our picture. I am so glad she did as this is the only family photo I have from that Saturday.


I asked Aaron if my cap looked ok. He said, "Oh honey, it looks so good!...You wanted it off center, right?"


Grandma and Ava.


My dad is soooooo proud of me! I think he was happier that day than I was!


Can you see me?


Ava slept through the whole ceremony.


Can you see me again? I'll give you a hint: I'm on the ramp.


Nana and Ava.

Oh Goodness!

It first happened Sunday night. For the last few days I knew that Ava would finally roll over from her back to her belly at any time. Well, late Sunday night she did it! It's still surprising to put her on her back, then look over a second later to see her on her belly. It's only the beginning! For a few weeks, she has been trying her hardest to crawl. She gets her knees under her and with all her might she tries to move forward. I don't know how I'm gonna handle that!

In Progress

The body stretches and grows
there's nothing left.
A vessel breaks to reveal itself.

Small, weak, now dependent in need.
Should capable help emerge
would it be accepted or submerged?

The small has a voice, muffled and loud.
Eyes concerned and fisted hands
body in constant motion.

-escape unachieved.

Change of Mind

I felt as though I needed to make my blog private, with the ultimate goal of closing it down, because it seemed every time I sat to write, I offended people. I realize that it is ridiculous of me to stop writing. On my whole blog there are only two blogs that have been called offensive (for which I have apologized) and 60 that I have gotten very positive feedback from. In short, I will continue to write, read my friend's blogs, my husband's blog and post pictures and achievements of our Ava.

Daddy's Little Ava...

I thought this would be a good end to my "blog". Aren't they so cute?

June 5th

June 5th is my mom's birthday, so, I baked her a cake! Big surprise, right?
Oh, and Ava helped.

My Heart

Soon after we got married, my husband persistently brought up the idea for me to have a blog. I didn't want one and had continually teased him for having a blog himself. I believe that his reasoning was that he wanted me to be happy. He knew I love to write, I have a degree in English and did fantasize about publishing a book of poetry. He didn't want me to feel "unfulfilled" in my new life. He wanted me to have an outlet for my creativity. I did worry that my new life of wife, homemaker and eventually mother, would not fully use the gifts that God had given me. How is writing a poem or painting going to aide me in cleaning the house?
That is why I had a change of heart and agreed to have this blog. It was new and exciting. I soon became relieved that now I did have this solace, this space for me to continue to write, even though it is in a different format then I was used to. I treasured the few moments that I had and sought comfort in the time that was mine, to just be me.
Now, I look at my computer in disgust. With all the things that had happened over the last month, we are left with a family that is weaker than before, and trying to find where we are with each other, and with a request to make a blanketed apology for my blog. I don't garden, I don't sew or have a farm. I write. Or, I used to.
I'm sorry that these people, whoever they are since nobody has come to us, or me personally, to bring to light just what I did to hurt their feelings, are offended. But how could I apologize if I don't know to whom or for what?
As of now, I stand in a place where it sickens me to think about writing. Who am I going to offend now? What if someone takes something I write personally when it has absolutely nothing to do with them at all? I feel like what I had, my outlet, my one time for myself, is now tainted. I can't look at my blog again with the same joy that I had.
It's hard to understand that when I am told everything is good, done and over, it's not.