Soon after we got married, my husband persistently brought up the idea for me to have a blog. I didn't want one and had continually teased him for having a blog himself. I believe that his reasoning was that he wanted me to be happy. He knew I love to write, I have a degree in English and did fantasize about publishing a book of poetry. He didn't want me to feel "unfulfilled" in my new life. He wanted me to have an outlet for my creativity. I did worry that my new life of wife, homemaker and eventually mother, would not fully use the gifts that God had given me. How is writing a poem or painting going to aide me in cleaning the house?
That is why I had a change of heart and agreed to have this blog. It was new and exciting. I soon became relieved that now I did have this solace, this space for me to continue to write, even though it is in a different format then I was used to. I treasured the few moments that I had and sought comfort in the time that was mine, to just be me.
Now, I look at my computer in disgust. With all the things that had happened over the last month, we are left with a family that is weaker than before, and trying to find where we are with each other, and with a request to make a blanketed apology for my blog. I don't garden, I don't sew or have a farm. I write. Or, I used to.
I'm sorry that these people, whoever they are since nobody has come to us, or me personally, to bring to light just what I did to hurt their feelings, are offended. But how could I apologize if I don't know to whom or for what?
As of now, I stand in a place where it sickens me to think about writing. Who am I going to offend now? What if someone takes something I write personally when it has absolutely nothing to do with them at all? I feel like what I had, my outlet, my one time for myself, is now tainted. I can't look at my blog again with the same joy that I had.
It's hard to understand that when I am told everything is good, done and over, it's not.
1 comment:
"I'm sorry that these people, whoever they are since nobody has come to us, or me personally, to bring to light just what I did to hurt their feelings, are offended. But how could I apologize if I don't know to whom or for what?" You're exactly right, Honey. This right here is a blanket apology to those who are offended as well as a plea for personal communication so that they can tell you exactly what bothers them. I think it was excellent when Ginger e-mailed you to tell you what she felt, and you were able to reply to her about her specific concerns. No one else has done this.
And I think they all should apologize to you for bullying you all the way out of the blogosphere!
Matthew 18:15 says, "If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone." I think it applies to sisters as well. She definitely should not be going through your mom.
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